Over the years I have heard from many people about the
concept of “conflict resolution”. It seems that dealing with conflict happens
quite often in today’s society, more than we would like to admit or care to
realize. Let’s first examine and understand what a conflict is.
Conflict, as defined, can be either a noun or a verb. The
noun defines it as “a serious disagreement or argument, typically a protracted
one”. The verb usage states “be incompatible or at variance; clash”. When it
comes to actually dealing with conflict in a person’s life the martial arts has
many more levels that have to be addressed. In my dojo I have simplified into
the following categories:
External Physical: This is the typical type of conflict people think of that involves some sort physical altercation such as a fight, domestic abuse situation or other things of that nature.
External Verbal: When we often think of bullying this type
of conflict comes to mind. Bullying can escalate into External Physical but the
majority of the time it is verbal taunting, belittling or simply heightened
arguments between two people.
Internal Physical: This is our physical status of health
area. If we are sick we are dealing with a conflict against an internal threat.
Items in this category include cancer, diabetes and other health related issues
that impact our lives negatively.
Internal Emotional / Mental: This is the state when we have
external circumstances that have led to an internal conflict. A prime example
is when a person feels inadequate due to being told they are ugly or worthless.
Sometimes this aspect of conflict is also brought upon the individual by their
own doing such as being a perfectionist (which I am guilty of more often than
not).
Within these four types of conflict exists multiple layers
where they can overlap or be caused to expand into one another. For example; a
person begins berating another one. This makes the person upset and they feel
very negative based on what has been said. This was an example of how an
External Verbal overlapped / created an Internal Emotional / Mental state.
In the martial arts we teach our students more than just how
to kick someone’s butt. Many people, even today, don’t seem to grasp these
concepts about those who study martial arts. I could go on for hours about the
reasons why the general public hasn’t come to terms with this but I won’t,
except to state that the popularity of combat sports such as the UFC series has
built the aspect of what I call the “sports warrior” mentality. In order to
better understand how we teach students to deal with conflict I will have to
take you on a short journey from beginner to long time practitioner. As I
realize most of you will not want to read a lengthy blog post about this I will
keep it short and to the point.
People of all ages and walks of life enroll in martial arts
for a myriad of reasons. Regardless many of them aren’t sure what they are
getting into nor have any true understanding of the process of training. The
beginner student has a concept in their mind what the martial arts are thanks,
in large, to media (movies, TV, etc.). They come in and put on the Gi and start
to train having no real idea why they are doing it regardless for their reasons
to join a school. The white belt has no skills and aren’t even sure how to
learn so we begin the process by establishing etiquette and building their
ability to listen properly. It is during this phase of the training that we
also set about to build their spirit through physical training and discipline.
The spirit we are discussing is a deep part of our body that will either “flight
or fight” when faced with any type of conflict in life. According to Walter Bradford Cannon (a well-known
physiologist) we all have the ability to fight when challenged or to run when
we face one. At one time it was thought that this aspect of our spirit could
not be changed because we are born with these certain genes that trigger the
response. We now know that this is not factual however the condition does exist
and is triggered by many experiences we have growing through life. In the
martial arts we take time to train a student to be aware of this aspect and how
to determine the best avenue to deal with a potential or verifiable threat in
their presence. This is known as acute stress conditioning and we achieve it
mostly once the student has developed the ability to learn and condition their
body through being a beginner.
At the intermediate phase of the training it will get
tougher and more demanding on the student. They will be in a more contact
training environment where they are experimenting with what works against an
attack and what doesn’t. Their training at this level is pointed to building
automatic responses against various threats from verbal all the way to
physical. They are pushed to strengthen their ability to defend against an
attacker as well as train harder to condition their body for such a situation
if it were to occur. The intermediate phase of one’s training if where a
transformation begins to take place and confidence begins to grow. The student
builds confidence because they are seeing the results of the hard work as well
as getting very good physical shape. Another aspect of training takes place at
this point that I like to refer to as the “feel good” phase. The feel good
phase is where a student begins the process of stopping to look outward for
acceptance from others and starts to look inward. During this phase they
quickly realize that what other people say towards them in a negative manner
(external verbal) has no actual bearing on who they are as a person. This is a
level of conflict resolution that assists people in ignoring the little things
to focus on the bigger picture in life.
During the advanced stage of training the student begins to
see everything in a new light. They are physically fit, focused and more prone
to not be bothered by several types of conflict. They are confident that if an
External Physical conflict would occur they could handle themselves very well
and do what is necessary to walk away safe and sound, even if that response
requires physically harming the attacker. Confidence grows at this stage as
does one’s understanding of how other people’s negative actions truly have no
bearing on their goals. The student begins to transform into someone that
carries themselves in a manner that makes them less of a target for bullies and
attackers through the abilities they have gain in training. Sadly many drop out
of training at this stage before achieving a lifelong benefit that the long
term practitioner of the martial arts gets.
In the lifelong student this state becomes solidified into
the actual character of the individual through their training. Once it is
instilled into their character it is automatic and responses are determined
quickly and effectively when facing any type of conflict. They are more in tune
with their mind and bodies to deal with health issues as well as their physical
abilities to deal with self-defense situations. Throughout the entire field of
training they have been learning the most effective form of conflict resolution
known to man and this is why martial arts training are one of the most popular
activities today for people of all ages.
When dealing with conflict a martial artist is always to
determine if it is necessary to fight or if they can simply walk away. During this
process the mind goes into overload on most individuals but a martial artist,
through their training, has been conditioned to handle the elevated levels of
stress and focus on the objective clearly. We achieve this through disciplined
and hard training in classes. The repetitive nature of the martial arts builds
almost super human reaction levels to a physical attack which increase the
ability of the individual to survive an encounter. A properly trained martial
artist will be able to remain calm in the face of danger and make split second
decisions that can result in the best outcome to keep them, and the ones they
love, safe from harm. Through the building of confidence martial artists are
less likely to engage in a conflict, be it a verbal or physical issue, because
they simply have no reason to “show off” their skills or prove anything to
someone trying to goad them into a fight. While others may construe this as
weakness it isn’t. In reality it is their way of saving the person who is
negatively acting towards them from a solid butt kicking.
We have all heard the statement “Karate is for defense only”
and that means we must train to know the difference of when it is appropriate to
use our skills and when it is not necessary at all. We also train to be ready
for any type of encounter at any time through diligent study in the dojo. As we
grow, our skills grow and progress to levels where we simply do not care to
prove anything to a bully but how we can smile and walk away knowing they are
insecure and a won’t ever amount to much unless they change their ways. We have
a saying in the martial arts that goes like this “Karate ni sente hashi”. This
is typically translated to mean “There is no first attack in Karate” but it has
a much deeper meaning than simply what it states. By teaching there is no first
attack in what we do we are not conditioning our students to be weak. We are conditioning
them to determine if they have to harm the person across from them or not. One
of the first aspects of learning how to successfully deal with conflict is to
determine the course of action needed to resolve it safely. Karate teaches this
but also gives the student the ability to be physical if that is the course of
action needed.
Martial art training also helps us to deal with all sorts of
internal conflicts as well. Through the training a student will learn to seek a
balance of the body (physical), the mind (mental state) and the spirit
(willpower) so they are at peace with both themselves and the outside
influences they encounter in the world during day to day living. Over the years
I cannot even count the number of times I have had a student come into the dojo
who just had a terrible day only to see them smiling on their way home after
classes are over. Martial art training alleviates stresses found in the common
day thus helping us to stay more focused and healthy. The training also builds
successful habits because you feel good about achieving the goals such as
earning a new belt or learning a new Kata.
In the United States we still haven’t grasped all the
wonderful benefits of martial arts training because people simply are not sure
what it is. Some see it as the violent sports on television, like MMA/UFC while
others think it is some sort of religious cult activity. In reality it is
neither of those when you train with a good instructor, in an authentic system of
Karate and at a dojo with experience. We also train sporadically here in the
United States. A student typically will hit the dojo for classes twice a week
but expect the same results as those who have learned that daily training is
the best format. In Okinawa it is well known that people train almost every day
and some do seven days a week. They do this because it is part of their way of
life (if they train Karate) and how they seek to stay healthy, focused and
centered. When a student only trains a couple of times a week they won’t gain
the same benefits nor the solid conflict resolution that one who trains four to
five days a week will. It is also very common in our society today to quit
something we begin which leads to the deduction of skill and reduction of
ability to handle ourselves, feel good about ourselves and deal with the
conflicts found in everyday living.
Conflict resolution is a topic every good martial art school
teaches but it is best learned in the traditional martial arts that don’t focus
on the sport aspects as their mainstay. Traditional martial art schools have an
environment to them that is positive and where everyone can fit in, regardless
of their ability or skill levels. They are also ruled by etiquette and
traditions that make everyone equal because they are all there to learn the
same skills. Through a supportive environment, like those found in a good dojo,
along with the discipline development conflict resolution becomes second nature
to the student. It becomes an aspect that they no longer dread and can deal
with in a positive manner thus improving their way of life and those of the
people they love around them.
In my lifetime I have been in job positions where I have had
to deal with conflict on a daily basis. Be it when I was a bouncer, a
correctional officer or a body guard my martial arts training always kept me
safe, able to determine the proper course of action and often resulted in job
promotions. I learned that, no matter how tough I may think I am, one simple
mistake can lead to serious harm or legal action. Through my martial arts
training I was able to think quickly on my feet and determine the appropriate course
of action for all kinds of situations that would happen in life. Be it a bully,
a rude co-worker, an ego maniac or even just a person who thinks Karate is a
joke it all came down to how I dealt with it. My training gave me the
confidence to ignore the haters, to be who I am and to grow into a strong
person that doesn’t need to smack a person down to prove a point.
Recently, while I was at a high school reunion, there was a belligerent
drunk there. This is someone I know, a person whom I had to throw out of a bar over
and over I worked at many years ago and he was very obnoxious to say the least.
Regardless he didn’t remember me nor did he bother me but I watched him bother
many others. When he turned his attention to me I shook his hand, looked him
right in the eye and said I know who you are. He sat there quietly and
eventually got up from the table and walked away without saying a word. Later
on he was in the bar area at the club were at bragging about being a brown belt
in martial arts and how tough he was, etc. People came over and told me about
it as if it would bother me. Did it bother me? A little bit because, had he
been a real brown belt, he wouldn’t be going around bragging about it but I
ignored it. The reason why I ignored it is because he would never learn even if
he got beaten up. He was one of those “types” of people so there is no point in
bothering with him and it is always best to ignore them and walk away. Some
people cannot be taught a lesson through physical altercations and they will
never learn the error of their ways.
Conflict resolution was in play that night. I didn’t avoid
this person but I wasn’t going to let his ignorance bother me either. When he
did turn his attention to me I shook his hand confidently while giving him the
look, straight in the eye, letting him know I am not easy mark nor to be trifled
with (something you gain in martial arts training). When he progressed to
bragging about his “martial arts” skills I ignore it because I knew he was
lying plus he wouldn’t learn anything from getting smacked down. I also knew if
I got into an altercation with him I could end up in jail which is something to
avoid all together since I am in a leadership role where children look up to me
in my dojo. This is the process of conflict resolution and all occurred within
a very quick amount of time. Thanks to my martial arts training I was able to
handle it effectively and positively…and no one got harmed.
